One Month Later

When they began the remodeling that moved us out of our offices in February, no one knew how long we'd be displaced. Maybe a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months. So I took a page from the 30 Rock episode I'd seen shortly before that. It involved a conversation between Matt Damon, who was playing a pilot, and Tina Fey, who was playing his girlfriend.

Here's how it went, as the plane sat on the tarmac:

Matt Damon (pilot): Hey Lizzy, you ok?
Tina Fey (Liz Lemon): People are starting to get a little antsy back there.
Damon: Yeah, it's gonna be about another half an hour.
Fey: Really, because I checked FlightTracker on my phone, and our status is just an angry red frowny face.
Damon: K, you want to know a little pilot secret, besides the fact that we get a discount at Sunglass Hut? The half-hour thing? It’s a trick. It’s enough time so that people know they’re gonna have to wait, but it doesn’t upset them.
Fey: So you’re just lying? That’s not right, we’re paying customers.
Damon: Look, Liz, we have reasons for doing things the way that we do them. We say half an hour to control the herds of walking mozzarella sticks who think that $300 and a photo ID gives them the right to fly through the air like one of the Guardian Owls of Legend. God, that’s been our in-flight movie for months.

I found this HILARIOUS, so when the first of the eight-gabillion askers asked when we would be moving back into our offices, I said "one month." It was the office-moving equivalent of the airline's half an hour--enough time so that people know they're gonna have to wait, but it doesn't upset them.

All during spring, we kept saying we were moving back in "one month," and the same went for June, July, and August. "One month" seemed as if it might even be possible when school rolled around again and the renovation neared completion. But no, "one month" was appropriate for September and October as well.

But guess what? We're moving back into our offices! Next Tuesday, after 10 months, we will be sitting in our old spots and cursing the computers that aren't yet properly connected. That has led me to a flurry of cleaning in the old office. Now that I know exactly how many of my accumulated files from the past 16 years are irrelevant to my actual life, I'm de-Hoarder-ing with abandon.

Those piles in the photo? One contractor garbage bag for recycling minutes of meetings from 1997, one contractor garbage bag for 2001 Daytimers and computer parts from two computers ago. I'm stepping out on a limb and guessing that floppy disks for A-drives will not be making a comeback, and all of those back-ups from past publications are heading for landfill. I'm even tossing out the padlock combination I  stuck under my desk when I took that aquacize class in 2003.

It has been a fascinating archaeological experiment but has turned into a much bigger job than I had anticipated. It may be a few days before I can get back into the old digs.

Maybe a month?