Thursday, October 6, 2011

An Open Letter to Pet Owners

Dear Owners of Dogs and Cats and Iguanas and All Other Animals in the World,

I love your cat.

Really, I do. Just look at that sweet widdle thing--woochy, woochy, woochy under the chin!

But I beg of you: Do not bring your animal to large gatherings in public places. Not to sporting events, not to concerts, not to church.

We get it. Yours is the FINEST ANIMAL ON EARTH. It is not an animal, it is a FURRED PERSON. A furred person with a CHARMING PERSONALITY. And it is the exception to the RULE OF COMMON COURTESY that says animals should not be part of large human gatherings.(Unless you are blind, of course. These animals are workers--go ahead and bring your seeing eye dog or your milk cow to the dodgeball tournament.)

The problem is that at these large public gatherings you will be surrounded by persons who are not as enamored of your cat/dog/iguana as you are. Maybe cats make them sneeze. Maybe dogs remind them of that snarling mutt that growled at them as they walked to school in second grade. Whatever the reason, all of these people who are not so crazy about your animal are pretty much obligated to be at the public gathering. They have to be there because it's difficult to have a football game in the privacy of a home, or a music festival in a living room. Many of them have paid good money to be at this event, and when you come in with your kitty in your purse, they're smiling on the outside but they are NOT LIKING IT (and, by extension, you) in their heart of hearts.

So no matter how cute and cuddly your pet, leave it at home. Regardless of its intensely charming personality, give it some peace and solitude.

Because while I love your cat (woochy, woochy!) not everyone does. I'm just saying it out loud.

And now I will turn off my caps lock.




  1. And if you don't listen and insist on bringing your "best friend" make sure you bring supplies to clean up after he/she does his/her business. You may laugh when your dog poops at the Wichita River Festival, but I bet the person who has to clean off his/her shoe thinks it is anything but funny.

  2. Amen. And thank you for that very important public service announcement!