Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Bring On the Stupid

I like to think of myself as a moderately bright person.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? I like to think of myself as an extremely bright person, although that self-image is severely damaged every time I stand next to a champagne-colored small SUV for several puzzled moments, wondering why my key won't open it, before I realize Pearl is on the other side of the parking lot. Whoops!

I can spell "accommodate" without wondering which letters are doubled. I can multiply 8 x 12 in my head and come up with a reasonably close approximation of the right answer. I know the difference between a direct object and an indirect object.

So why is it that I turn into The Stupidest Woman In The World when faced with insurance options?

Please realize that I am in no way complaining about having insurance. When, one year ago today, Boy#4 decided to forgo the brakes and use his face to stop his bicycle, our total out-of-pocket expense from the $10,000 hospital bill? Forty bucks. God bless America.

This morning Small College held its annual open enrollment session for insurance, which is the opportunity  employees have the option of changing the benefits we earn with our employment. Folks, bring on the stupid. Between this option and that frill, I was completely bumfuzzled.

Have you changed your marital status since last year? Only if you count "every day older and wiser."

Have you changed your number of dependents since last year? Hmmm. They've been less dependent on my help with Spanish homework, but more dependent on their father's tax expertise. What does that net?

Are you interested in a vision supplement? Yes, please, I like to see. A fitness center membership? No, thank you, I hate to sweat in public. AAAAAFFLLLLLAAACCCC? (Sorry, I had to do that in a duck quack.)

And then, I realize I may be only moderately bright but 28 years ago I married an accountant, and that these are the kind of questions he answers for a living.

That decision? Extremely bright.

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