Monday, April 14, 2014

Advice From an Old Person

I have lived a long time. A long, long time. I have lived so long that I have all kinds of advice floating around in my head, and because the Boys are no longer in close enough proximity for me to brighten their lives with this advice, I am going to share it with you.

I'm calling this new Empty Nest recurring featurette Advice From an Old Person, because if the shoe fits.... And that is a brilliant segue into my first piece of advice, which goes to the women out there in internet land: If you are attending an event that requires you to go up and down the bajillion steps between the lower and upper campus more than a dozen times in a single day, though, get dressed from the floor up.

It sounds so simple, but in actuality you probably will look into your closet and think "Okay, I want to look professional but not stuffy, with-it but not trashy, distinguished with just a hint of cute. I want to look just like the Duchess of Cambridge!" (Because really, isn't that what we all want?)

You will take a final peek at What Kate Wore, then you will choose the blouse and jacket and jewelry that will fit all of those criteria, and as the last step (see what I did there?) you will choose your shoes.

Women, rewind. Look into your closet and think "Okay, I do not want to be looking for every opportunity to sit down today because my feet are KILLING me. Also, I am not within 30 years of being Kate's actual age, so I don't have to be trendy and I am not the future Queen of England so I don't have to be any more of a fashion goddess than I already am."

Then pick out the most sensible shoes you have that don't actually have SAS branded into them, and find skirt/blouse/jacket/jewelry that complement the color. Now head on out to work and go up and down those gazillion steps more than a dozen times. You will still be able to greet important people with a smile.

Want proof?
See that woman on the right? Great example of dressing from the ground up. This little old lady is smiling, rather than grabbing the back of the chair next to her for support as she contemplates kicking a six-inch stiletto across the room. Her Corgis aren't the only dogs that will thank her at the end of the day. As will you, when you heed the Advice From an Old Person.

You are welcome.


  1. I love "because the Boys are no longer in close enough proximity for me to brighten their lives with this advice".

  2. So, Oldest's school holds an auction every year to raise $. It's a fancy event and people dress up. This year it was at a new venue. I wore my fancy high heels and a dress. Turns out the venue involved a LOT of very steep stairs, only some with railings, and seats that tested my ability to sit like a lady. After a glass of wine, I told at least one of the people who organized the auction that they really should have included a note on the invitations that women should wear flats. Honestly, I felt like I was taking my life in my hands just trying to get to the bathroom. I am literally too old for that crap. Feh.

  3. I'm so excited for this new feature on your already delightful blog =)!