Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi: I Am Brussels Sprouts


Once upon a time there was a princess who lived in a kingdom where everything was perfect. The sun shone every day, the birds sang, and all were happy in the kingdom. The princess was not the smartest person in the kingdom, or the most beautiful, or the funniest, but she had one thing that set her apart:

The princess had an enormous megaphone.

Whenever the king wanted to send out a message, he would tell the princess, "Please tell my subjects this for me." And the princess would bring out her enormous megaphone and shout the message to all the subjects in the kingdom.

Sometimes the message was one the subjects wanted to hear.

"The weather, yea, it is stormy and the seers and prophets doth prognosticate great snowiness all around," she might shout through her megaphone. "The king proclaims a SNOW DAY for all the subjects of the kingdom and doth verily tell them to stay home and drink hot chocolate and watch endless episodes of Revenge on Netflix."

And the subjects would cry loud HUZZAH!s and praise the princess heartily and offer to bring her a new tiara and proclaim their love for the princess.

But sometimes the message was bleak.

"Another snow day?" the king might declare. "I think not. For lo and verily, these subjects have been without purpose and direction for days and days and idle hands are the devil's workshop. Also, what is it with these people who are PAYING for this education and careth not that they are not getting that for which they have paid?"

So the princess hoisted once again her enormous megaphone and shouted, "The sun is shining! The birds are singing! Back to class! Back to work!"

And those same subjects who had so loudly called HUZZAH! were now grumbling that the princess was full of cattle dung and give-me-back-that-tiara-because-I-hate-you.

"But subjects!" she cried sadly. "I am the same princess! I only have the megaphone! It is the KING who makes the proclamations. Wherefore the love? Huh? Answer me that?"

But the subjects turned their backs and refused to look at the princess, for even though she was only the messenger, she now appeared to be Brussels sprouts--full of vitamins and quite a pretty color, but not so good-tasting, so that even though they are good for us we hate them.

The moral of the story is this: You don't have to give back that tiara because it was a gift and you are pretty. Now put away the megaphone and get back to work.


  1. That must make me the Evil Momster, because Snow Day #4 in our wonderful kingdom has been declared National Clean Up Your Mess Day!! I'm debating how severely I need to threaten the Superintendent. Love my subjects, but . . . Well, you've been there & know. :P
    And I personally LOVE Brussels sprouts!

  2. This is why teachers should be allowed to communicate with their students via private Email. They should also not be able to post crazy messages on Facebook like it is not really snowing and you all should come out and enjoy the beautiful weather.

  3. I like Brussels sprouts. Just sayin'...