How to Do a Snow Day

Oh, hello there! I know, it's late in the afternoon, but I wanted to let you all know that we are having a SNOW DAY! Yes, Mother Nature as dropped enough solid precipitation on Small Town that last night I became the most popular person at Small College by sending out the message telling everyone to stay home today. (Except for the people who really make the college run--I'm so, so sorry, plant operations guys and cafeteria workers.)

Anyway, I believe I have finally perfected the snow day in this, my declining middle age. As a public service I am sharing this how-to guide.

1. As a child, choose your profession carefully. Do not be a postal carrier, because an hour ago our mail was distributed, on time, in the mailbox on our porch and it did not get there magically. Also, do not work in the news business because you will have to stand out in the snow reporting how cold and wet it is as if we could not look out our windows and divine that fact.

Hearty Beef Barley Vegetable Soup from about.com

2. The day before the snow day, throw the ingredients for a lovely soup into the slow cooker. This recipe will make enough food for the next several days. Also, the house will smell luscious.

3. Go to bed and sleep until the clock says this. No, not the first time the clock says this, the second time the clock says this. Really! When Husband comes in to make sure you're still breathing and asks how in the world someone can sleep for TWELVE HOURS, explain that you only need (a) crawl between the sheets of the Best Bed Ever, (b) close your eyes, and (c) repeat step b as necessary.

4. Hahaha! Just seeing if you're paying attention. DO NOT DO THIS. The look of exhaustion, the snow on the coat, the frosted-over glasses. This can happen if you go outside, so stay indoors. Then you will look exactly like my body double, Alejandra, shown at the top of this post. Well, you won't have the same style or color of hair, and the come-hither expression will be missing, and that ridiculously impractical white couch will not be yours, but the chenille robe? Exactly the same. Except that yours is yellow.

America's Test Kitchen Cinnamon Rolls

5. Finally, try out one of the 593 recipes you have pinned on Pinterest during the past year. Because you have slept until 11 a.m., you have SKIPPED A MEAL so make it any old high-calorie thing you like. Plus, everyone knows cold weather burns more calories so you need to keep up your strength.

6. Do not, under any circumstances, have any children in the house because at that point your every moment will be consumed by trying to keep these snow-day-spoilers warm/cool/dry/fed/occupied/quiet/from fighting. Also, without this step, none of the other steps are possible. 

Voila. Perfect snow day. Now if you will excuse me, I believe I have a nap to take.

Aaaaahhhhhhh.