Performance Review

In some years, this would be my least favorite day at the office--I'm doing annual performance reviews. Fortunately, I currently have the Best Co-Workers in the World, so it's been low-key and collaborative. It's not always this sanguine, though, and every time I write my John Hancock on the "supervisor signature" line, I'm grateful that I'm not being evaluated like this in my real job.

Employee Name: MomQueenBee

Position Description: Mom, Queen Bee

Years in Position: I've run out of fingers and toes for counting

Goals met during review year: Fourth child off to college, avoiding implementation of poorly articulated consequences that would result if he didn't "get out of bed RIGHT NOW"; head did not actually explode while searching for 842nd item mentioned in the sentence that began "Mom, could you see if you could find..."

Goals un-met during review year: Curtains in Three's bedroom, although the Mexican blanket hanging over the window does have a certain je ne sais quois that indicates these here folks who live here are klassy; Thinner Thighs in 30 Days, despite those tempting e-mail offers; universal delight with meal preparation (see: Husband's admitting, after 27 years, that he doesn't really like ham and beans); failure to embarrass Boys on the internet (see: descriptions of bodily fluids).

Goals set for upcoming year: Clean house on regular basis, Zumba class, increase blog traffic, knit swea   

Aww, never mind. This job I just make up as I go along anyway.

I think I'll give myself a raise.