Friday, February 26, 2016

Is It Monday Yet?

This week has been kind of a crummy week (thank you, all so dear to me, for the thoughts and hugs on Wednesday) so last night I decided I deserved some popcorn. Or five pounds of M&M's chugged directly from the largest punch bowl I could find. Since I was already in my pajamas and didn't want to look for the punch bowl, I threw the bag of 94% nonfat generic popcorn into the microwave. 

Oh, yes, I know how to party. 

Anyway, while I waited for it to finish popping I looked around at the top of the kitchen cupboards, where I have a motley assortment of copper teakettles and copper bowls and copper spittoons arranged "artistically."  "Hmmm," I was thinking to myself. "Maybe I should wash those some time? Or rearrange..."

And in that moment, when my head was tipped back, the thought of the dust that has probably accumulated up there overcame me and I sneezed and someone shot me in the jaw. 

Not really, but something about the combination of my chin-up position and the force of the sneeze combined to throw my jaw out of kilter and I thought I had broken it. Seriously. I would have held it in place except that it hurt too much to touch. I even considered calling Husband at the office (CPA in tax season, for you new readers) to come home and knock me over the head with a sledgehammer but I couldn't control my facial muscles enough to talk. 

Luckily for me and Husband (who might not have been able to locate a sledgehammer quickly), in a few minutes the pain settled down somewhat, and I was able to go to bed. When I woke up this morning the area under my right ear was decidedly Not Right, but I could open my mouth wide enough to insert a toothbrush, and when I did there was a POP and I began to think I would live. 

So all that is prelude to a discussion of what you will find if you come to work and google "intense jaw pain after sneezing"  What you will find includes the phrase "twitching is system wide but only continuous in right calf, SEVERE left thigh, buttocks..." 

"Whshew! How lucky am I that I did not have jaw pain radiating into my buttocks?" I was saying to myself just at the moment I got an email that my corporate credit card has been hacked. 

Could I borrow some M&M's and a punch bowl?

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