Thursday, January 15, 2015

I'm the Worst Oprah!

Much Older Sister posted a link to a New Yorker essay this week, and I've been giggling about it ever since. With the usual disclaimers about my non-approval of salty language, I will say that I wish I had invented the phrase "I'm the rollout of healthcare.gov."

Because I am. I'm the worst.

On Monday, which is now three days ago, I promised that if you came back on Tuesday, which is now two days ago, I would have something SPECIAL for you. EXTRA SPECIAL, in fact. And then I disappeared into work in the day and meetings at night and life in general and didn't return.

But today, I'm finally back and I have (drumroll, please) a GIVEAWAY!

I know! Just like Oprah!

At the beginning of 2014 when I began the year of destuffifying, I promised that anyone who joined me in this well-intentioned effort would get something out of it in the end, even if she/he didn't meet the actual goal he/she set. Today is the pay-off for those good intentions.

If you destuffified in 2014, as I did, you get prize. And that's even if you did not meet your set goal, as I did not. Did you get something out of your living space that makes you feel a little freer and a little proud of yourself that one tiny spot of your life is de-stuffed? You get a prize.

And for one person who de-stuffified, your prize will be the Grand PooBah of DeStuffifying Prizes. You will pick something out of my already-knitted projects (see above), or choose something for me to knit, and I will send that something to you. It could be something large, such as this shawl being modeled by my office chair:
"In soft ombre shades of peach and green, this shawl is shot with subtle glitters of gold, the perfect accompaniment to a simple black dress on a cool fall evening." (My description. Please read it in a sultry voice.)

Or it could be something smaller, such as a hat (seen above), a pair of socks (also seen above), or some warm reading mitts (seen above). I will also negotiate requests for the custom-made Grand PooBah prize, so you could choose something extra-special:
A five-hour baby sweater! Or a baby hat, or something else baby-appropriate.

Or reading mitts in a custom color! Or owl mittens! 

Or a dog! (Skeptical Boy#1 not included.)

Just comment on this post, or on my Facebook page, that you destuffified in 2014, and let me know how it went. That enters you for the drawing to receive the Grand PooBah of DeStuffifying Prize. I will write all your names on Post-It notes and stick them to the wall and the first one that falls down wins. Or maybe I'll ask Husband to draw the name out of a hat, or something. It will be a random Grand PooBah selection, is what I'm saying, so your success or non-success in destuffifying is not critical to this prize distribution. 

And even if you are not the Grand PooBah Prize winner, I'll send you a consolation prize because you are well-intentioned, just as I am.

It's just like Oprah! You get a prize! And you get a prize! And you get a prize! Okay, it's a knitted dishcloth. There. A dishcloth you probably don't even need, and you'll have to send me your home address at momqueenbee@gmail.com to claim. But still! A prize!

Yeah, the worst Oprah ever. I really am the rollout of healthcare.gov.


11 comments:

  1. I thought of your de-stuffifying project repeatedly throughout the year, and although I made less progress than hoped, I felt as if my ATTITUDE made good progress. A combination of "GET RID OF IT! JUST GET RID OF IT!" plus "Think how nice it will feel to have some SPACE here" plus "The hardest part is deciding to get rid of it: after that you won't even miss it" plus "THE CHILDREN WILL HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF THIS EVENTUALLY"---all those things led to a respectable dozen-or-so bags of stuff out of the house, plus the feeling that more is not only possible but likely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you interested in a consolation prize? Send me your IRL address and you'll get something to get rid of in the next de-stuffifying--momqueenbee4@gmail.com

      Delete
  2. We moved out of our first house this year. We'd lived there 12 years and over those years we'd gained: my mom and her stuff, a first baby boy and all the little baby stuff that is somehow huge, and a second baby boy who added more stuff. Combined with the fact that both my mom and I are pack-rats, moving was a great de-stuffifier. Our goal was to start out in the new house with nothing to squirrel-away in the attic. Goal achieved!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. leafyNell! You won! Contact me at momqueenbee4@gmail.com.

      Delete
  3. I did not meet my goal of de-stuffifying, probably because it was completely unreasonable if I also wanted to get anything else done this year. I reached for the moon and feel among the cluttered stars, or something. I DID manage to clean out all the superfluous furniture in the front room that we weren't actually using but my children were actually destroying. I also got rid of a bunch of toys, but that may just be because I am a Mean Mom. Either way, I felt *amazing* every time I got rid of something, and our kids now clutch their possessions in fright when I enter their rooms. Win-Win!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Getting rid of toys is the best unless it makes you think about your bay-beeees and then it is the worst. Want a consolation prize? Send me your IRL address--momqueenbee4@gmail.com

      Delete
  4. I started off strong (because of necessity ... basement problems resulting in tossing box after box) and then thought I'd continue strong throughout the year, thinking of you each time I gathered up a bag or a box for charity.
    And there was a time I put 5 large bags into the car!
    And drove around with them for WEEKS.
    And then took them out and back into the house because I couldn't remember what the heck was in them.
    So they don't count.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, they do count. If you handled them, they count. Send me your IRL address and I'll send you a consolation prize. momqueenbee4@gmail.com

      Delete
  5. I've been sick and I'm so sad I missed this! You give away AWESOME prizes =)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DMB, don't worry--I have tons of knitted stuff just itching to be given away. We'll do this again!

      Delete
    2. Also, send your address to momqueenbee4@gmail.com and I'll send you a consolation prize!

      Delete