Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Advice From an Old Person

What is it these days with me and flowers? It must be spring.

Anyway, I'm back again with some Advice From an Old Person. In this case the advice is coming from that bee up there, who has her nose stuck practically into the appendix of the rose in front of her. Do you know why that is? It is because this bee apparently is old (notice the wrinkles) and as one ages, one's sense of smell deteriorates.

I know exactly what you're thinking! "What next?" you're thinking. "MomQueenBee, you're telling me that along with losing my keys and my knees and my memory I'm going to lose my NOSE?

Yes, that's what I'm telling you. And that has prompted my advice for today:

If you are age 40 or less, your assignment is to make a note of how much auxiliary odor you are putting on your body. Is it one spritz of your favorite perfume? Do you use scented body lotion or hand cream? Do you sit right next to the pine tree hanging from your rearview mirror when you drive? Do you use any Axe product at all? And if the latter is the case, why are you, a teenaged boy, reading this blog?

Now that you have made this scent assessment, you must never, ever, ever exceed the under-40 standard you have set. I give you that advice because, oh, you will want to.

You will get to be 50, and think to yourself, "Huh. I don't think they're making this Eau De Mi as potent as it used to be. I believe I'll use two squirts instead of one." Or you'll take advantage of Bath and Body Works two-for-one special and use both the body wash and the scented elbow cream simultaneously.

You will think you are underscented, and that you smell disgustingly of...nothing. No, you smell refreshingly of just the right amount of jasmine, fresh muguet and soft florals touched by green and sparkling top notes, with sandalwood added to round out the base. You smell enough!

You will not provoke your sons, when they return to the house after having been banished while mama hosts club, to comment "Wow. Smells like Old Lady Central in here." (They do not mean this as a compliment.)

Understated is the key to being a non-offensive Old Person, and this applies in many, many areas of life but today we're talking about artificial fragrances.

Also, I want a job writing product descriptions for perfumes.

You're welcome.


  1. I am TAKING NOTE! I never thought of this and can EASILY see it happening. I am a one-spritz perfume girl, and now I know to stay that way!

  2. Gosh... I have been using two sprays lately. So it's not the perfume I've used for two decades that changed?