Friday, August 9, 2013

A Follow-up

When I got home from work last night there as a message on our answering machine. I was hoping to embed that message here so that you could listen to it in its glorious entirety, but apparently the free service Google provides when it hosts my blog doesn't extend to audio sharing. (You'd think that as much as I PAY these people they'd...oh. Never mind.)

Anyway, please work with me in making this transcription of the message as lifelike as possible. You will need to read it out loud in a poorly-recorded answering machiney way, adding a southern Kansas drawl to the inflection.
This is Officer Miller, Small Town animal control officer. I had an e-mail from one of the city workers who was on her way to work this morning and saw you were kind of dancing a jig with a possum up there. I was wanting to make contact to see if you needed a trap or anything to catch it, or what was going on. She said she saw you and it on the sidewalk together and you were both kind of going in the same direction. So anyway, I may try to stop by up there and make contact with you later. Thank you.
 I will completely forgive the city worker for mistaking my armadillo for a possum, because both are disgusting creatures and how cool is it that she recognized my distress and called the authorities? Also, the phrases "dancing a jig" and "both kind of going in the same direction" made me laugh until tears ran down my face. Never has a panic-stricken dash to escape an armor-plated placental mammal been described in a more genteel and diplomatic way.

I love living in Small Town.

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