My Son, Brother Healer

Part of our Labor Day weekend was spent with Boy#3 at Big University, where we went to a marching band concert with a football game that wasted time between the pre-game and halftime shows. It was, as always, delightful to see Three in his element. We arrived in time to see him warming up his section (which may have seemed unnecessary in the 95-degree heat, but apparently trombone players' lips do not warm up with the remainder of their bodies), and I am never prouder than watching Mah Bay-Bee! as he conducts the brass section, not even when I see him in his role as an ordained minister.

What? I didn't tell you Boy#3 is an ordained minister? It became official this summer, when all the Boys were home. We were sitting around after supper chatting about the world and about the fact that the four young'uns are in a stage of life when you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of their friends who happens to be getting married AT THAT VERY MOMENT.

Three, who is scheduled to be a groomsman in at least three weddings next summer, wistfully mentioned that what he'd really like to do is conduct those weddings, rather than just standing up there in a tuxedo looking pretty.

"You know," he said, "like Uncle S. did for Cousin A.'s wedd..."

He trailed off, and the thunderbolt hit all of us simultaneously: He has a smart phone, and we have internet. He could be ordained!

Seconds later he was texting his engaged friends.

"Hey! Could I officiate at your wedding?"

They may not have been taking him completely seriously because moments later a reply was back.

"Sure. Why not?"

And then they realized who had asked, and were wise enough to cover some bases.

"Wait a minute--are you licensed in the state of Kansas?"

In the 14 seconds it had taken the friends to text these two messages, Three had been busy on the internet. He was able to reply truthfully, dictating his reply as his flying thumbs tapped the keyboard of his phone.

"Just...got...ordained."

He decided to not pay the extra $32.99 to get the doctor of divinity degree, but the Universal Life Church allows its ordinees to choose their own honorifics. Reverend, Pastor, Father, Your Holiness, Brother, and all of their feminine counterparts are allowed, as well as, well, anything. We decided "Brother Healer Three" was appropriate.

So far Three has not presided at any weddings, but he has continued to offer his services whenever he hears of upcoming nuptials.

I believe the caption on the band members' capes express my emotions perfectly.