Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Evil of the Internet

Here's the evil of the internet: It makes you think you can DO things.

Oh, not do things like date Brad Pitt (who I'm sure is very charming, but would he climb to the very top of the stadium if Angie had left her prescription sunglasses under the seat up there after the game, and was very, very upset about it? No, I'm quite sure he would not, and that's why you're lucky to have Husband.) or summit Mt. Everest (because you also read, and after reading Into Thin Air there are not enough oxygen bottles left in the world to make you take that hike).

It makes things that actually take a fair amount of skill look like things that you, who do not possess a fair amount of skill, could actually do.

"The zither!" you think. "I've always wanted to play 'Let it Be' on the zither, and it looks perfectly easy. I think I'll do that some day."

Or "Wow, I think I'll toilet train a cat. That's a great idea, and it looks pretty easy."

You're safe in thinking these things, because you don't have a zither, or for that matter, a cat. But then one day you're walking around the block on trash day and you see an abandoned dresser waiting for the garbage truck. You remember this cute dresser-into-a-bench tutorial you saw on the evil internet the other day, and wasn't there another tutorial about making dresser drawers into footstools? Those would be fun for the TV room, where there are always too many feet and not enough places to prop them. Those would be great projects, and they look easy!

You ignore the fact that you have never, ever, not even once, driven a nail that didn't bend before it was all the way driven, and that you are afraid of power tools. (What? Husband's grandfather lost a finger in a router. Shudder.)

And before you know it, you're waving to the garbage guys as their truck turns down the street, and you're driving away with Pearl's cargo hold looking like this:

The internet is evil.

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