I'll Dress Warmly

(An actual transcript of an actual instant messaging conversation with an actual Boy that took place yesterday. Only the names have been changed to protect the online reputations of those involved. The theater seats are in an auditorium being renovated, and were free for the taking.)


me: I have to help your dad move some theater seats at 2, but we can work on your project later this afternoon.

Boy#1: OK

me: I'm a little nervous about this--we moved three seats on Friday night, and those suckers are heavy. Now we're going to move a row of five. I hope we don't permanently injure anyone.

Boy#1: Can't Boy#4 help you?

me: Uh, no. I believe he's two states away right now.

Boy#1: Well, just remember

Boy#1: If you get hurt doing this and permanently injure yourself

Boy#1: Your sons will put you on an ice floe and gently shove it out to sea

Boy#1: So don't do anything stupid.

He inherited his compassionate nature from me.