Wednesday, August 25, 2010

An Open Message to the Phone Company

Dear AT&T,

Stop calling me.

Stop immediately, and forever. I'm making this demand for three reasons.

First of all, the privilege of calling my home phone number belongs to people who know how to pronounce my last name, and don't start the conversation with "Hello, Mrs...pause...$&*90$?" The name's not that hard, folks, especially if you follow the German name rule of silent-first-vowel-long-second-vowel.

Second, you always call at an inconvenient time. Granted, I cannot think of a time when I would be particularly eager to take your call. But holy cow, do you have a talent for picking the opposite of convenient. When I'm trying to drain the spaghetti. When I have exactly 10 minutes for a nap and not a second more. When I'm on the phone with SOMEONE I LIKE AND WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THE END OF HIS STORY. Ahem.

Finally, you are wasting your time. I do not do telephone, except for talking on it. I do not decide our carrier, or add new features to our service, or pay the bill. That is Husband's job. Asking me to talk to you about telephones would be like asking him to talk to you about when one of the Boys had his last tetanus shot. Ludicrous.

So, AT&T, leave me alone. Forever. Or else. And if you've ever been a teen-aged boy, you know the sincerity of that threat.


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