Tuesday, March 22, 2016

On the Verge of Crankiness

This picture makes me laugh heartily, out loud. 
Many years ago the brilliant Dave Barry wrote a column about what a man should do if asked by his wife whether her pants make her butt look big. Google is failing me in my attempt to find the exact wording of that column, but Barry said there was only one possible response to this question: The man must immediately fake a seizure.

This morning I mentioned to Husband that I might have been a little cranky in the past few days, and I could see the questions running through his head. "What are the symptoms of seizure? How do I fake those? Do I actually have to fall down or can I just stagger a little?"

Fine. I admit it. I have been the Boy#2 of the birthday revelers in today's illustration. Good things were happening all around him, but dang it, he was not going to smile for that picture. Between the paint fumes and the construction in other parts of the house that has meant there have been PEOPLE AROUND ME DURING MY LUNCH HOUR (the horror), I'm not my usual sunshiny self. And there have been other items harshing my buzz this week, namely the following:

1. The use of "genius" in internet click bait. "He mixed blue and red paint together--what resulted was genius!" (Or, purple. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.) ""This easy weeknight casserole is genius!" I do not think this word means what you think it means, genius.

2. The paint guy at the local hardware store, who treated me like I don't know how to paint. Which, in fairness, I don't. I am a terrible, terrible painter, but being unwilling to use your magic matcher to find the outdated color that is on my back door and then acting like I was the one being unreasonable? Not cool, man. Also, not good business, since I took my ineptitude to the hardware store in the next town, where they could match my outdated color, and I bought paint there. A lot of paint. Extra paint, even, just to spite the local paint guy who wasn't even aware of this spiteful action. ("It's genius!)

3. The new Facebook reaction emojis. Too many choices! Too much pressure! Do I just like this, or do I love it? Does it make me cry? Or laugh? Oh, how I miss you, single thumbs up button.

All in all, I'm out of sorts, in desperate need of a nap, and more than ready to be done with my home improvement project. But on the plus side, I changed my own windshield wipers this week. I may be cranky, but I'm adulting like nobody's business.

Maybe Husband won't have to fake a seizure after all.


  1. I think if my husband were ever to come across that column, I'd frequently find him convulsing on the floor. But man, I am yours in cranky solidarity! (And I actually gasped when I read about the lunch hour thing. That IS a horror!)

    1. Those of us who get the sanctity of the lunch hour really, really get it. Those who do not understand it do not understand it AT ALL.

  2. Joel Weinert, I love you! Be yourself; don't just follow the crowd! Love it, love it!