Monday, March 9, 2015

How to Adjust to Daylight Savings Time

So. Did you set your clocks forward an hour on Saturday night?

I did not, because that is Husband's job. He spends half an hour each spring (forward) and fall (backward) walking around the House on the Corner trying to adjust every single clock. This is not an inconsequential job; I do love clocks, and there are multiple timepieces in every room, so I'm glad this is his job.

My job is to whine about the results. To groan when the alarm rings seconds after my head hits the pillow. To point out that I'm not even hungry yet when the appointed meal time rolls around. To bitterly complain that it's really X o'clock, rather than X+1 o'clock.

This year, though, I have turned over a new leaf. I am adjusting to Daylight Savings Time (spitting three times) and wish I had known years ago how easy this could be. Here are my suggestions if you, too, would like to learn to love Daylight Savings Time (spit, spit, spit):

1. Avoid having any children. Your darling dumplings are governed by their biological clocks (because, duh, they can't tell time yet) and they have this irritating expectation of being fed and put to bed at approximately the same time every day. Their little bodies sense that the sun is going down, and their little eyelids droop and they put their chubby little arms around your neck and drift off to slumber land. It is adorable and reminds you why you wanted the human species to continue. Conversely, when the sun goes down at 7 p.m. one day and the next day it doesn't go down until 8 p.m., even if MOMMY IS READY FOR YOU TO BE IN BED, DUMPLING, BECAUSE THE CLOCK SAYS IT'S DIET PEPSI O'CLOCK AND THAT'S NOT HAPPENING UNTIL YOU'RE IN BED, they transform from drowsy dumplings into whirling dervishes and no one benefits. If you have avoided children, no one stands between you and that Diet Pepsi.

2. Enough with the nostalgia already. Don't say things like "Remember yesterday? When it was five o'clock at this time and I still had an hour to get supper ready? Wasn't that fun?" or "Alarm clock, you may be saying it's 5:45 a.m. but my body says it's 4:45 and I hate you and the horse you rode in on." It is 5:45 because The Government says it is, and that is that.

3. Appreciate the consideration of The Government. This is the time of the year The Government demands its cut of your paycheck, and as the wife of a CPA, I'm grateful they make the process complicated and detail-intensive. I mean, if everyone could figure out their own income taxes, I would not have been kept in the style to which I've become accustomed. When The Government also takes our time, the process is simple, and I don't have to hire anyone to help me figure out how to do this. Spring forward! Tally-ho!

4.  If all else fails, move. I understand that in most of Asia and Africa Daylight Savings Time (spit, spit, spit) either has never been tried or has been tried and abandoned.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to check my passport. I believe I may be moving.

1 comment:

  1. Number one clearly presents the biggest problem to my adjustment. Youngest is now not even remotely tired until 8:15, yet I'm ready for adult/older kid time at my usual 7:30. Meanwhile Oldest is BEYOND crabby at being dragged out of bed at what feels like 6:30 am instead of 7:30 am. So basically I start the day crabby and end the day crabby. This is . . . unacceptable.