Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Blessings to Most Living Creatures

Illustration from devoniantimes.org
If you were to watch me as I take my post-exercise walk around the block at o'dark-thirty (which, please don't, because that's creepy) you would be amazed at my uncanny  resemblance to the dinosaur fish illustrated above. I amble slack-jawed, cooling down and catching my breath after 45 minutes on the elliptical.

But then if you keep watching, you might see me abruptly morph into this:

Image from Associated Press
And why am I suddenly a brisk and businesslike Pope Benedict bestowing a papal blessing? Two words: Spider webs.

Our block is an old one, and the trees that line the sidewalks and are so picturesque during daytime hours seem to be filled with spiders who spend their nights weaving sticky gossamer traps across my cool-down path. Believe me, nothing dissipates the warm, relaxed, self-righteous glow of having completed the day's exercise before 7 a.m. like potentially becoming a spider's breakfast.

Oh, I'm quite aware that the spider is unlikely to be able to completely devour me but "unlikely" and "absolutely not able to" are two different matters, and the feel of that sticky web across my face fills me with the irrational fear that a spider is about to sink its teeth into my eyeballs.

Now as I approach a tree I snap into a mouth-closed, hand-extended Papal Blessing Position that clears away any spider webs before they reach my face. Those spiders can have my pinky fingers but they are NOT devouring my eyeballs.

Blessings to you. Unless you have eight legs.

1 comment:

  1. Yes! So glad I'm not the only one who noticed this loophole in what spiders may or may not do.