It's Either This or a Lump of Coal

Christmas is exactly 11 days from now. One of those days is Sunday, a non-shopping day. So guess how many of the four Boys have come forward with a shopping list?

No, fewer.

Fewer than that, too.

ZERO.  That's how many. I know people are busy with finals and all that, but Boys, as of this morning, it is too late. No more lists accepted. So in the interest of having something wrapped and under the tree by Christmas morning, I'm going to let you, my faithful readers, vote on my sons' gifts.

First up is the ultimate boy gift:

The catalog listing describes it thusly:

"Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

The nose . . . blows! Just squeeze or press it and green shower gel oozes out of the right nostril. Gross and funny at the same time! Rubber nose attaches to flat surface with suction cups. Easy to fill; includes 5.3 oz. green shower gel and instructions. 9" high." Oh, wait. The next line is so disappointing: This item is out of stock but expected soon. Orders placed today will ship as soon as stock is available. Awwww. But consider: Enough people actually bought this that it is OUT OF STOCK. Is this a great country or what? Second up for consideration: A personalized GALLON JUG of Tabasco sauce. "There will be no question who this gallon belongs to!" the description promises. I can just hear the squabbling during dinnertime:  "Hey! Back off! That's my Tabasco sauce!" "Oh, sorry. I didn't see that it was PERSONALIZED." And now, something more for the bathroom. (That seems to be a theme in this list.)

Of course. An iPod dock for the toilet paper holder. I don't want to judge or anything, but it seems to me that if you need this gift, you may be spending a wee bit too much time in the bathroom. Not judging, just sayin'.

We close with something that makes a lot of sense to me:

This is a one-year subscription to the Bacon of the Month Club. What? You didn't know the Bacon of the Month Club even existed? Well, me either, but again, great country.

Or maybe I'm just projecting.

So now's your chance to vote. Which Boy gets which gift? Or is it socks and underwear for everyone?

And next year, I bet they have their lists in on time.