Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Few Minutes With MomQueenBee

Andy Rooney left a void in the media hubbub that surrounds us when he retired a few weeks ago and shortly thereafter REALLY retired. Until last month that void  had been filled with Andy's 60 Minutes essays kvetching and complaining about things that didn't really matter, but now that he's no longer with us, I plan to step up to the plate and fill that that void. (I know! It's like I was born for the job.)

Here's my complaint of the day: What's up with newfangled plumbing fixtures?

Pictured here are the beautiful new sinks in the gorgeous new bathroom down the hall from my office at Small College. Friends, I'm here to tell you that this is a huge improvement over the 1950s bomb shelter motif that had featured prominently in the pre-renovation john. Now the toilets flush automatically (and can provide an inadvertent thrill to anyone who's a little slow in vacating the premises, if you get what I mean), the lights are classy and mellow, the counters are granite. The sinks are shiny--and four inches deep. Or I should say, four inches shallow.

You think I am kidding? I am not.

Hmmm. Even this does not show the depths shallows of the sink. How about if my camera case demonstrates the problem:

See? My point-and-shoot case is darned near too large to be submerged if I wanted to submerge it, which I do not because it has two memory cards inside. So even though the bathroom is lovely and I do appreciate the upgrade, my moderately-sized hands, even with their preternaturally stubby thumbs CANNOT BE WASHED in these sinks.

My life, it is difficult. Andy Rooney would have understood.

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