Body Art

Every once in a while Boy#1 observes a discussion between Husband and me, and analyzes our relationship thusly: "You two are the cutest couple ever."

I'm sure he means it--my own son would never be sarcastic, would he?--but it does make me realize that  some conversations between my beloved and me are not what they seem on the surface. These idle conversations tend to be, shall we say, whimsical.  The other day, for example, Husband chose to poke one of my fears.

"I think I'm going to get a concealed carry permit," he said.

This is an old threat. He knows I have the same reaction to guns as I have to snakes: Both are probably okay in their proper environments, but keep them far, far, far away from me. Just the thought of guns or snakes gives me a visceral shudder. So, like the little boy on the playground who dangles the garter snake in front of a classmate just to hear her shriek, Husband always points out the concealed carry safety classes in the newspaper.

This time I reacted without thinking.

"Fine. You do that, and I'll get a tattoo."

Whoa. You'd have thought I was threatening to vote a straight Democratic ticket.

"Really? You'd mutilate your skin permanently just because I had a piece of paper, which I wouldn't even intend to use?"

And here is the weird part of this story: The thought of getting a tattoo wasn't nearly as odd to me as it was 20, or 10, or even two years ago. I no longer get the vapors at the thought that one of my babies might deface his porcelain skin with permanent art, although I still give my graduating student assistants the standard "if you must have a tattoo, make sure it can be covered for job interviews because that might make the difference between two equally qualified candidates, blah-blah-blah" speech. I'm not sure if this new-found attitude is maturity or simply erosion by exposure, but my once firmly-held conviction that only convicts get tattoos has mellowed to "Meh, whatever."

So Husband, go ahead and get that concealed carry permit. I have the address of a tattoo parlor and a design all worked out in my head: It's a heart surrounding the words "Cutest Couple Ever."