Congratulations, You Crazy Kids

Ah, William and Kate.

The Heir (Not the Spare) and Waity-Katey.

How sorry are you two lovebirds that you didn't just elope already?

Unlike when William's parents tied the knot, I will not be up in the low single digits of the morning to see the festivities. I am old and will watch the recaps tomorrow.

I am so old, in fact, that I have vivid memories of sitting in my college dorm room and watching Diana ride through the streets of London in an open carriage. She was wearing her lovely wedding gown and waving royally (elbow-elbow-wrist-wrist-wrist), and the carriage was pulled by white horses. Katie Couric was reporting on the event and the background music for Katie's remarks was the Beatles rendition of "When I'm 64."

The only problem is that when I Google the event to find out if the horses were indeed white, I see that the Diana/Charles nuptials occurred July 29, 1981. This is five years AFTER I graduated from college, so either I dreamed the whole thing or I have compressed two memories--were any royals married between 1972 and 1976?

Anyway, since my invitation to tonight's wedding apparently was lost in the mail, I've participated in the party the same way 90% of the internet has: By making up my royal wedding name and referring to it as often as possible. According to the Facebook official rules, start with either Lord or Lady. Your first name is one of your grandparents' names. Your surname is the name of your first pet, then "of" followed by the name of the street you grew up on.  

So for the rest of the week, please refer to me as Lady Olive Pepper of 1621st Road.

Thank you very much.