Monday, October 18, 2010

Well, This Feels a Little Weird

I love writing. Or I should say, I love having written.

I love looking back and seeing my thoughts on the page and thinking, "Yes, that's exactly what I meant."

What I don't like so much is the moment when I hold my breath, close my eyes, and hit "Publish Post." Until that moment, there's time to take it back and do it better. It's a bizarrely exposed moment, as if I'm going to the grocery store in my nightgown.

Today a meditation I wrote is published in The Upper Room, the little devotional magazine that was part of my family's spiritual life throughout my childhood.

As I opened my e-mail this morning and saw words I had put on paper that now were being seen by three million readers, I had the same split-second moment of please-let-me-take-it-back: I want to work on this again. People would be reading this, and unlike my blog readers, these would be people who don't know me. Why didn't I write something deeper, more profound? Better?

Then I realized that I had said pretty much what I meant to say. Just as there is joy in being middle-aged chronologically, there is joy in being middle-aged in faith. Relaxing into God's guidance is a huge part of this joy.


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