The Three Bears (A Re-Telling)

Once upon a time, there were Three Bears. Except in this case, there was no Papa Bear or Mama Bear or Baby Bear. These Three Bears all were Brother Bears.

The Three Bears lived happily in their Far South kingdom, except for Saturdays, when the peaceful kingdom was invaded by marauding warriors. At stake, the kingdom was reminded over, and over, and over, and once more for good measure, was a Bowl. This bowl had nothing to do with porridge, but rather was an event designed to take away Goldilocks's peaceful Christmas vacation.

Goldilocks, you see, had one foot in the Far South kingdom and one foot in the Home Kingdom. She had grown up in the Home Kingdom and NonBear Brother still lives proudly in the Home Kingdom.

What will you wear to the game? she was asked.

"I shall wear the Far Kingdom's T-shirt over my heart and the Home Kingdom's earrings next to my brain," she decided.

Who will you cheer for? she was asked over, and over, and over. Goldilocks struggled with the question, always wanting to be nurturing and nonoffensive. Finally she had a strategy.

"I will cheer for the offense!" she cried with delight. This strategy worked, and there was NO DEFENSE WHATSOEVER when the two kingdoms met.

Before the game the Far Kingdom prepared by trying to intimidate the Home Kingdom, and because there is nothing more intimidating than enormous helium-filled mascots, the Home Kingdom visitors who had traveled to Far Kingdom saw this coming down the street:

Ooooooh.

Finally it was time for battle. The Bears donned their battle gear.

And the battle began! But just one minute into the battle, Mother Nature decided she didn't want either one of these dadgummed kingdoms to have a bowl and ruin Goldilocks's Christmas break, so she sent a kingdom-sized storm that sent both kingdoms scurrying for shelter and resulted in a two-hour dampish warmish sardine-ish recess.

Also, Goldilocks is a terrible photographer.

But Mother Nature did not reckon with the desire of all the Bears and NonBears to have the bowl, and two hours later the battle resumed and Mother Nature said, "I give up! Here! Have some sun!"

So Bear#1 and HusbandBear put their sunglasses back on.

The battle raged, and it was exciting, since nothing is more exciting than NO DEFENSE WHATSOEVER, and when it was over, the Far Kingdom prevailed! Sic 'em!

 And there was much rejoicing among the Three Bears,

and among the Three Bears' thousands of Far Kingdom friends,

And everywhere throughout the Far Kingdom.

Except for Goldlocks, who knew that the NonBear in Home Kingdom was probably pretty darned ticked off right now, and that her peaceful Christmas vacation had just gotten much more complicated.

The End.