Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I Am on Top of It

If you are a faithful reader of this blog, or if you know me in real life, you know that competence is not my strong suit.

I'm not being modest about this, or fishing for compliments. "Oh, MomQueenBee, you are SO competent," said no one ever, but I value my own talents. My strong suits are willing semi-competence, and an ability to produce quickly under deadline. Oh, and the ability to correctly use the words "compose" and "comprise," but that particular strong suit is sadly under-valued.

Anyway, my Christmas competence is even more semi- than most of my other competences. I am always the last one to have my decorations up, the final house on the street with no lights peeking through the front windows, the obvious slacker when it comes to ho-ho-ho-ing.

But this year? On the second day of December, in the Year of Our Lord 2013, the House on the Corner is Christmas-ed!

Boo to the yah to all of my (imaginary) detractors who didn't think I could do it, with a special fist-pump for those who have warned me Santa Claus will not stop at our house on Christmas Eve if I am screaming up the chimney "JUST A MINUTE! THE TREE IS ALMOST UP!"

Of course, decorating for Christmas is not what it used to be. Over the years my holiday prettify-ing of the entire house has shrunk like the Grinch's cold, hard, heart, until the pretty is now all contained within the four walls of the living room. I'm not criticizing you if YOU want to throw holiday spirit into every corner of YOUR house, but two things: l) holiday hand towels are dumb, and 2) don't come crying to me when you're still picking holly berries out of the guest room carpet in July.

And if you are one of those who has posted on your Facebook page "The first of our six trees is up and decorated!!!! I love this time of the year so much!!!!!" I am not judging. Good for you, I say, even if the use of multiple exclamation points indicates I am saying it with just a bit of sarcasm. I will love visiting your house, and truly, I will admire those themed trees.

Just don't expect me to be doing anything similar. Ever. Notice the still-unlit spot on our tree where the pre-lit lights decided this year not to light? Semi-competence is enough for me.


  1. Ironically since having children, my Christmas tree gathering and decorating have dropped off gradually in quality and may continue to do so until I hit the lowest I can go. Before kids, husband and I went to the forest and cut down a tree early in December and decorated it and the living room (other rooms have never been decorated, let's not get carried away). After one kid, we went to a tree farm and cut down the tree in mid-December and decorated the living room. After two kids, we go to the tree lot and get a tree (to be fair it is a fundraiser for Oldest's school, but still) and decorate the tree. Most of living room remains undecorated except for stockings on mantel. Am afraid that once Youngest is done with the school that has the Christmas tree fundraiser, we're going to resort to a prelit artificial tree and be lucky to get stockings hung by the chimney at all, never mind with care by Christmas eve....

    1. Maybe this is my problem--too many years of having children? B.C. (before children) I was all over the decorating, and would have swooned rather than have an artificial tree. Now? The tree comes down from the attic instead of off the land.

  2. Decorating more than one room of the house? Is this a thing? Is this common? Oh my, I had no idea.

    Our artificial tree has a section that will never light. We've owned it for years and never bothered trying to return it because getting it back in its box? That wasn't an option.