An Open Letter to the Boys

 Ho, ho, ho, Boys!

It's that time of the year again: Santa Claus is on his way! (If the Santa in the illustration is any indication, you may want to double-lock your windows and doors and make sure any children are nestled all snug in their beds, because he looks kind of creepy, but I digress.)

As you know, your father and I are slightly deficient when it comes to coolness. We were never the parents who kept up with trends, and on the hipness scale we've veered away from "Uses Newest Slang Correctly" and settled squarely on "Get Off My Lawn." 

However, because we love you very much, we have spent a fair amount of time discussing Christmas gifts for the four of you. These discussions always go something like this:

Your father: So what should we get the Boys for Christmas?

Me: I dunno. What do you think?

Your father: I dunno. Maybe...no, that wouldn't work.

Me: How about new cookware for everyone? I love the set I got last year.

Your father (wondering if I hit my head and now thought I had only daughters): ......

Me: I dunno.

So in the interest of seeing your eyes light up on Christmas morning at the sheer COOLNESS of your gifts, we need some lists. You know the rules--no live animals, no vehicles unless you want to relive the hilarity of the year Boy#4 got his Corvette and everyone except him thought it was sooooo funny we'd found that model of Matchbook car, no firearms or explosives, etc. And put on some speed, because ohmigosh only 14 shopping days left, allowing for shipping of online purchases, and if you think any of my purchases will not be online you don't know me at all.

Don't leave the choosing of cool gifts to your parents. Otherwise you might end up with a lovely new Dutch oven. 

Love, 

Santa's Elves