Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Leaving My Default Position

This picture has nothing at all to do with today's topic. It's pretty, though, right? 
My default position is in my house, in my sweatpants, in my recliner, with knitting needles in my hands and a fresh cup of coffee on the end table beside me. Given my druthers, I'd probably never get out of that default position except to take care of basic bodily functions.

That occurred to me yesterday as I was trying to come up with a reason why I shouldn't go to my women's group salad supper. These are some of my favorite women in the world, but I was so, so tired.

Normally I'm a world champion sleeper (oh, how I love thee, arms of Morpheus) but the night before I had not been able to fall asleep. I went through my regular routine--toothbrushing, standing on one foot, standing on the other foot, check alarm, read until sleepy, turn off light, snore--but the snore didn't appear. Instead I rolled over and over like a rotisserie chicken, then I went into a different room and read for while so as to not disturb Husband, then I put on my threadbare chenille robe (which is like handing a baby a security blanket) and crawled back into bed. And then I watched the numbers change on my alarm clock.

By the time I was finally asleep it was only three hours before that same alarm clock began beeping that it was time for me to start my morning. I spent the day cranky and listless, rubbing my eyes and counting the hours until I could get back in bed and try the process again. I did not want to delay this moment by having a meal with my friends last night.

I had promised to bring a salad, though, so when I left work I threw a bag of pre-chopped lettuce into a nice bowl, grabbed a bottle of fancy dressing from my Christmas present stash, and promised myself I'd leave right after the meal.

You know how this ends, right? I had a wonderful time, and didn't even really consider skipping the meeting that followed the meal.

If I had given in to my preferences, I would have been in my default position instead of eating a lovely meal with lovely women, hearing about what's going on in my friends' lives and sharing my own goings-on. Heck, if I had given in to my preferences I would probably have been in my default position instead of going to the farm last weekend and then I would have missed seeing my father play the stringed bass in the community orchestra, and holding a sleeping baby.

Almost without exception, when I leave my default position I'm glad I have, and still I have to push myself to not fall back into it given half a chance. It's there when I'm too tired, when I can't think any more, when the weather is too cold or too hot to go outside again.

It's my default position but it's not always my friend.

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