Wednesday, July 30, 2014

My Role in the Process

This week and next week are going to be packed with things that keep me away from my computer so don't be alarmed if I go several days without posting. However, I couldn't leave the topic of Boy#3's new piano without a few words about my role in the procurement process of said piano.

Here is what I did:
1. Went to the auction and said how beautiful the piano was, and how much I thought Three would love it.

Here is what Husband did:
1. Successfully bid on the piano.
2. Gulped really, really hard when he realized it had to be loaded into the pickup.
3. Visited the ATM machine to get some cash.

Here is what I did:
1. Walked around the auction assessing the muscles of young men who might be strong enough to lift a piano into a pickup.
2. Said something to each one along the lines of "Hey, sailor, want to make some quick cash?"

Here is what Husband said:
1. You asked them WHAT?

Here is what the four strong young men did:
1. Lifted the piano into the pickup.
2. Groaned loudly.
3. Bent over with their hands on their knees, subtly assessing any new hernias.

Here is what Husband did:
1. Gave each helper twice as much cash as he had originally intended, because he has had a hernia, and it is not actually as much fun as it sounds as if it should be.
2. Drove us home, carefully avoiding any potholes or sharp turns because the piano was floating unsecured in the back of the pickup and we had been warned that pianos have a tendency to tip over backwards if they are unsecured in the back of a pickup.

Here is what I did:
1.  Silently helped steer the truck using only my sphincter muscles and subtle body English, ensuring that we arrived at home without the piano tipping over backward in a crash of broken strings and dashed dreams.

Here is what Husband did:
1. Quickly screwed together a frame of 2x4's that wedged the instrument into the back of the pickup so securely that if we had dropped into a giant Guatemalan sinkhole the piano would have not budged an inch.

Here is what I did:
1. Made sandwiches.

Here is what Husband did:
1. Drove us the two hours to Boy#3's hometown, where Three was waiting with a team of weight-lifters and young muscles.
2. Strategized the journey up the five steps into the house.
3. Took the hinges off the door so the piano would fit through.
4. Hefted the back right corner.
5. Banged his knuckles on the hingeless door and didn't cry.
6. Made sure the piano was aligned with the wall, because non-parallel alignment must not be tolerated.

Here's what I did:

There is a lesson in this division of labor, and I believe the lesson is this: My sphincter muscles and subtle body English saved the day.

Three, you are welcome.

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