Why I Wasn't Here

Why, hello, dear reader(s). I have not forgotten you. Every day last week a little frisson of guilt ran through me mid-morning, which is usually about the time I take 15 minutes to bang out another of these episodes. Last week, though, those 15 minutes were consumed by Life.

It was homecoming week at Small College, and as if this enormous, festive occasion is not enough fun for everyone, we add a two-day trustee meeting to the mix. So you have parades! Woo-hoo! Parties! Yay! Football /soccer / volleyball / softball! Three cheers! Food! Food! Food! Yippeeeee! And also, your bosses and lots of meetings.

Homecoming is such a big, all-consuming event that I try very hard not to add anything to my schedule during that week. It was the week of Bountiful Baskets distribution, though. I had been determined to get back into the habit of ordering these enormous piles of unbelievably cheap produce so a half hour before the parade, I was still standing in line to get my laundry basket filled with lettuce, kale, pomegranates, zucchinis, onions, pears, grapes, and a pumpkin bigger than most toddlers.

(Parenthetically, the Bountiful Basket later led me to uttering words to Husband that had not crossed my lips in nearly 32 years of marriage, to wit "Honey, I hope you don't mind that I ate all the watercress." He did not mind.)

But I made it to the parade, and I did not throw candy. I've told you about that rule, right, that came about directly from my personal ineptitude in tossing parade goodies? The first year my colleagues and I were in the parade I walked the entire route hurling miniature candy bars and immediately yelling "Oh! Sorry!" when they smacked the kid in the head or the knee or anyplace except in their tiny outstretched hands. The next year the Powers That Be decreed that candy must be placed directly into those tiny outstretched hands. I apologize, all of you other more ept throwers, for spoiling your fun.

And kids, thank your lucky stars that I managed to get the produce back home and pick up the big sack of little candy bars before I went the parade or I may have had to dip into the Bountiful Basket for your goodies.

I would have arm wrestled you for that watercress.